Updizzle

So. I forget about this blog sometimes. Normally I only tend to post here a few days around when my friend Trent posts on his blog. He had a really good blog this time.

So much has changed since my last blog. Kirk and I no longer speak. Trust me, it's for the better. It hurt to let go of what friendship we had, but really, was it a friendship or was it a toxic ordeal? I think I know the answer to that one, so I'll just leave it be.

Moving on to the more positive things going on in my life right now, I've started going back to church. New Covenant to be exact. It's where I know I should be. I normally get rides there and my friend Chris from work brings me home. Chris is a great guy who has a great story. If you ever get a chance to, meet him.

Secondly, I'm cashier of the month! YAY! =) It's really nothing big, because it's just based on what customers rate you, but it kinda makes me feel like a princess.

Thirdly, I got a flu shot for the first time ever at work...for free. I'm actually just now starting to feel an slight bit of discomfort from it. Owwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Finally, I stayed the night with Dara the other night. I've never really had a friend like her. She's 8 or so years older than I am, but ya know what, I love her to death. We stayed up all night talking about Jesus and life in general and stuff like that.

Well, I may be quoting Forest Gump, but that's all I gotta say bout that.


Much amor y confetti,
KateyPotPie

PS COME TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY ON FRIDAY OCTOBER 23RD AT 7 PM!!! Contact me on twitter (www.twitter.com/kateybella), myspace (www.myspace.com/dear_kate), skype (kateybird) and/or AIM (conmiamorsiempre) <3

update-ish dealie kind of sort of thing.

Okay. I'm getting my mind sorted out about Kirk. It's good. We even occasionally speak to each other casually at work now, and I'm not driven to want to cry. It was a bad situation we were in, but I learned from it and never want to take it back because it was special.

I passed my English class. I never thought I'd make it past English one. You know what? I didn't even write the last two papers and I passed this class with a C+. Am I proud that I passed? HECK YEAH! I'm also entering a degree program at Ashford University. It seems online classes are the way for me to go. Until I turn 22 (October 22nd of this year... don't forget it or I'll cry.) I have to be in the business degree program. I don't mind, though. I can get the rest of my basic classes done. As for after I'm 22, I'd like to go into one of two degree programs--history or early childhood education.

My mother has been saying lately that I need to teach young kids--kindergarten kids. I'd like to. I LOVE teaching. I LOVE kids (most of the time). I honestly have no idea right now. I think that when the time is right, I'll know.

Tonight I've been in a reflecting mood. I'm just thinking about where I was at the end-ish of my freshman year of college. I thought I was a terrible person. I drank alcohol for the first time. I used foul language for the first time. I was pretty much living with a class/castmate who was an interesting influence on me. Yeah, we had our good times, but we had some very crappy bad times. Some of you know this person. Our friendship was ruined because of lies and lack of common courtesy. I'm not going into details (by the way, I lost points on my memoir for using that phrase) about why/what or whom was involved in our final blow-out, just know that it involved the internet, several people around the world, lies and irrelevant threats. I REALLY HATE LIES. And you know what? It was really crappy. Neither of the parties involved gained anything. We both lost respect and friendships.

A few weeks after something really bad happened to me, I felt like reaching out and tying up loose ends. Someone once said that my two biggest flaws are that I want to be friends with everyone, and that I want to fix everything. I messaged that girl who I had once been friends with because I knew she was having a bad time, too. She told me that she held "no ill toward me". I took it. I did my part and apologized for what I did wrong when we were fighting. I left it at that. Lately, part of me has been wondering "what if?"... "What if I wouldn't have vented to the wrong person and they wouldn't have lied about what I said?" "What if I would have never moved into that apartment?" I've come to this conclusion: I learned from it. I got good from these experiences even though they were really crappy and I never want to repeat them again.

Oh, by the way, the major third party involved in this story and I are friends. We buried the hatchet peacefully.


My blogs are kind of spastic if you haven't noticed. I apologize for that if it's not what you like to read or the style you like to read.

So yeah. Um yeah.... that's about it.

ciao,
kt

Some Things

Some things are harder to accept than others. Right now I'm involved in a situation where my heart is being ripped to pieces by the one person I care about, or, rather, the one person I want to care about me. He means the world to me. Granted, I did some things to mess up what was good in the first place, he's been sending mixed signals since then. First he said I wasn't for him. Next he said he wanted me to wait for him to get things in his life together so I could be his girlfriend. That was one thing I wanted from the beginning of our relationship. I just wanted to be his girlfriend. A few days go by and I hear nothing from him. I get a message from him, and I'm giddy as a rabbit with a fresh carrot stick only to be let down when I open the message and it reads "I can't get over what happened. We're just going to be friends." It took me a few days, but I slowly accepted that. We even had a few really great conversations as friends. I enjoyed that very much. The next day he sent me a text message with some very sweet stuff in it. A true smile came to my face. The first legitimate one in a while (well since our conversation about some improv skits he sent me from youtube). That day at work I get a message from a mutual friend saying "He never really cared about you.". Ouch. Apparently this gets back to him and I accept that he just wants to be friends again. A few days later at work he texts me. He wants me to come find him before he leaves for the day. Fine with me. Another excuse to see my friend. I go see him and he hugs me. Okay. Random. He only hugged me when we were "together". Fast forward to last night because I'm sure a lot of ups and downs happened during the weekend that I do not feel like recapping. Okay. Last night I text him to see if he wants to come eat with me. Nope. He has a date. For the first time since all the bad stuff happened, I break down and I cry. I'm actually very thankful that I was alone for that. Thank goodness the kitten and dog don't judge me for being an overemotional wreck. Fine. I compose myself after wallowing enough to finish making and eating dinner. Today at work we happen to be at lunch at the same time. We even happen to be at the same table. Great. I'm more composed than I thought I would be. We both finish eating early and make small talk with others in the break room. I go talk to my friend in the front and receive a text message from him "Come outside to my car. I'll give you something else to do." I do. He tells me to get in his car. We talk about not saying anything to anyone about work. He says he still wants to do some things with me as long as we don't talk to anybody at work about it. Good. I'm fine with that. I'm the first to admit that things at work spread faster than a yawn in a crowded auditorium. Then it happens. I throw up on him. Nice. Way to ruin things, Kate. Things are finally getting back to the way they're supposed to, and you ruined them. Great going. So does that change the fact that you said you're coming over tonight? Does your WOW raid take place over me just because I threw up on you? Okay. Whatever. I take a "nap". I figure that will clarify things for me. I wake up looking for people to talk to, and actually find some old friends online. I go check myspace and see that his status says "Get a clue, I'm not for you." or something similar. Then I started writing this blog as a way to get my thoughts out clearly.

Which brings me to now. I need to tell you why this guy is so important to me. Why on earth am I so set on this guy? It may or may not be a surprise to you guys, but after I moved home from Hammond, I was pretty much a Zombie. I was cold and dead to the world and there was very little that could get through to me. I didn't have my friends, I didn't have theatre, I didn't have school, and I had a job that I couldn't stand. I felt like a failure. Around October I started reading the Twilight books and actually noticed that I was pretty much the same as Bella was described in New Moon (catatonic comes to mind...barely drifting through life... lots of other comparisons are able to be made.). Anyway, I also started working at The Home Depot. I was in a bad place so I figured even the slightest change in my life may chip away some of the ice around my body. I prayed for it. Things just seemed to get even worse than they were before, except for I actually had a job that I could stand. By mid November I was so numb to the world that days drifted by faster than I could count. I was the new, quiet secluded girl at work. Everyone thought I was weird. Actually, they still do, but that's mostly because I'm an awkwardly klutzy/accident prone girl. December drifted by. I don't remember much of January. February came. That's when I started talking to this guy. Like really talking. We went out to lunch together. Backyard Burger. It was fun. Someone was finally starting to talk to me. That night or a few nights after he asked for my number. Still, I went on with the rest of my non-life. Flattered, yes, but I kinda really didn't have the emotions to go beyond that. I don't know how soon it was after that, but I came back from lunch one day and saw him in the parking lot. We talked. He kissed me. Twice. I all of a sudden woke up and realized I was a human being. The ice that had surrounded me melted. I felt good and actually felt alive for the first time in who knows how long. He's the only person I think who could have done that. I'll never regret that it was him, either.

So yes. Now you guys see why he's so important to me, I hope. I went from being a distant cold zombie to a person who could actually feel things. Granted I don't like what I'm feeling, at least I'm feeling something. I just think that he's someone I shouldn't let go of. It's hard. It's a bad situation. He's special. What do you guys think? Input? I'm not sure what to do. Honestly, writing blogs or writing anything in general is rather cathartic for me. So yeah, I feel a bit better now that I have down what he means to me and everything that happened.

Thanks for following me on this up and down journey of a blog.

Mucho corazon y amor,
Kate

Life in General...Lately

I just wanted to give yall a smidge of an update on my life. I suppose I'll start with school. I dropped Joan Cusack's class. Finally. I get to sleep later because of it, too. Secondly, I took my first test in poli sci and didn't do so well.. Thirdly is something I'm really proud of. I've constantly struggled with the way I write. I'm a junior in college and I've taken English 101 (freshman composition) three times. The first time I failed it. The other times I dropped it. It all boiled down to the same reason--I think I write like a three year old. When it came down to turning in my first paper, I was nervous. So nervous. Our teacher has us turn it in online on a message board and we have to print out a hard copy to bring to him when we have a conference about the paper. When it came my time for my conference, I was almost in tears because I was so that he was going to be repressing laughter when he read my paper. The assignment was to write an open letter to our classmates about something we believe in. I knew basically what I wanted to write about when we got the assignment, but didn't really have anything pinpointed that I wanted to say. I ended up writing about how I think art is something positive that more people need to be exposed to. I think the world would be a more positive place if someone would choose writing a song over shooting someone because they cut them off on their way to work in the morning.

I'm leading way from what I'm trying to say. My teacher reads through the assignment while I'm holding my breath and looks at me and says "You're a very strong writer. I like what you write and the way you write. I rarely see anyone who writes like you." Wow. Never in a million years would I have seen that coming. "Really?" That's all I could bring myself to say. Followed by "'Cuz I think I write like a 3 year old." He then just pointed out some stuff in paper that just happened to be computer typos and told me to make it a little longer and that when it came time to write my memoir paper that I should write about my sister's accident.. He said "My one goal this semester is to make you more confident in your writing. That's my only goal this semester." Wow. No words will describe how wonderful that moment was to me. I believe if class wouldn't have started, I would have cried.

I'm going to move on now. I started working 40 hours a week. UGH that's a pain and a half. I never really have a day off between work and school. I like my job, though. I really, honestly love working at The Home Depot. I learned how to make keys the other night at work. I was overly proud of that feat. I also got mentioned on our customer survey TWICE for the first time this week. Some people have been working at the depot for years and still have not been mentioned on the VOC. One of our managers even told me how much customers mention positive things to him about me to him. Just wow. That makes me really kind of happy. =)

Tonight. I went to go see a play tonight. The Servant of Two Masters. It's a Commedia d'ell arte piece. For those of you who don't know, Commedia is like the beginning of improv based in ...oh IDK, I'd say pre-medieval times. It comes from Roman origins. This play was actually written in the 1700s and based off Commedia characters. The director knew some people who wrote the new translation of it, and thus this wonderful production was born. The actors were all amazing. My best friend was in the show as well as several other people I've acted with. All in all, it was the who's who of my school's theatre department minus a few plus one or two new fellas. I had a great time.

Okay. I know. Lengthy blog. I'm shutting up and going to bed now because I have to be up at 5 AM.

Mucho <3 and lots of love,
KT

Am I a bad student?

Right now I'm in my American History class. I LOVE LOVE LOVE history. It just makes me excited to know the things that have gone on in the world. I've often thought about changing my major to teach history. It's a passion. I read history books for fun. True story.

Well, right now, my history teacher is awfully annoying to me. I can't stay in this class much longer. Her voice has that annoying tone to it. She sounds like Joan Cusack. Don't get me wrong, JC is a great actor, but her voice has that same quality of a metal fork scraping a glass plate. I'm pretty sure that this class is offered every semester. If it's not then SLU has more flaws than I thought. Sooooo, I'm thinking that I may drop this class on my break and take it again next semester.

She's actually about 30 years off from where I take a lot of interest in history. The Salem Witch Trials. The time that The Crucible is written about. I absolutely love hearing about that. The Crucible is one production I require that I be involved with before I die. I think it's my favorite play.

The thing I've been wishing to make a job of lately is Greek history. "But Kate, you're not Greek!" Good point, but irrelevant. I had an American History teacher from England a few years ago. Interesting, right? I actually loved that class and passed it with an A. Anyway, the Greeks fascinate me. The Greeks, the Egyptians, the Ancient Chinese. I'll go as far as to say that early eastern Europe up until right after the Renaissance. interests me deeply. Theatre really springs from the Greeks. That's where it really started to be celebrated, or where it was really actually used to celebrate and pay homage to gods. Greek theatre is what really makes me head over heels. As stated in my last blog, theatre is the love of my life. It's natural (at least in my thoughts it's natural) that I'd like to learn about the beginning of the thing I love most.

I'm going to stop this blog now. I'm sleepy. I want lunch with CJ. Heck, I just want lunch.


Side note: John Wayne really is "tha man".

Theatre

I've always been one to live more of a slightly fantasized, dramatic life. I've never wanted life any other way. I did my first "play" in kindergarten. Sort of. I say sort of because I was the "director" and an "actor:" in the "play". I remember asking my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Marsha, if she'd let us do a play for her. She said yes. It wasn't much of a play. Princesses and babies and jewelry made of baby wipes. Odd combination, I know, but I look back on that and realize that that was my first really real performance with an audience. I mean, yeah, sure we had the end of the year programs and Christmas and Easter programs in preschool and stuff, but this was the first one that I had ever done any real "acting". I wonder now what that teacher thought of me. The silly little girl with a bright personality and the most get-out-of-town-awful country accent ever. I wonder if I knew then that I'd be so in love with theatre now.

Fast forward to today. Today I was walking down the hall of an all too familiar hall way on campus. I've walked that hall way probably more than I care to think about. Today it was different, though. It was sad. There were signs posted on a neatly organized bulletin board. That bulletin board has seen some interesting days. I signed my name on a list on that board more than once. One time in particular stands out in my mind. My first time signing a list. Not just any list, a cast list. I remember the night before I had gotten a phone call saying that I had been cast in the play MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING By: William Shakespeare. I was shocked. Never in a million years had I ever expected to be cast in anything. I remember asking the stage manager, Lydia, if everyone had been cast. She laughed and said that 65 people had auditioned, but that only 24 made it. Wow. The next day I walked down that hallway for the first time to accept my role as the First Watch. I had my friend CJ take a picture of me fake signing the list later that day.

That was nearly two years ago.

And, again, I say fast forward to today. I was walking down the hall that over the past two years I had come to know, love and practically claim for the theatre department. Then I realize that there are other people there. People I don't know. I say people, but I saw one person. It sent me to an awkward place emotionally. I hadn't realized how much exactly theatre had been so essential to me. Not just the act of theatre, the actual theatre. The building. The proscenium. The audience. The actors--my friends, and in some few rare cases, people who didn't care much for me or I for them. The directors. The scenery. The lights. All of it. The memories. So many memories, in the same place I had been many times before that was all changed and different with time. A short amount of time, but still, time changes things. So many new people walk that hallway now. I can't help but be happy that the theatre has new participants, but sad because I don't have things in common with these new participants. They like the night clubs, I prefer the pubs with my older friends. They look down upon Shakespeare and Greek theatre, I love them both with my heart, because they are a part of my history as an actor.

So, I leave you with this. Would all of this eventually get to me if I didn't have to take a year off from theatre? Would it set in after I graduated? Would it happen anyway even with me staying the way I was in theatre while the people around me changed? Why does it all mean so much? When I get to go back, will I be resented because I have memroies with this place and these few people who are still here from when I started that these other people do not? Will I resent them for their new memories that I am not a part?

Mucho heart and lots of love,
KT

Okay...

So... I'm not sure why my last post posted in Hindu, but I think I fixed it.

I have some websites I'd like to make you guys aware of:

1. Versanova... Check them out.actuallly... that's about it.

much <3 and lots of love,
kt